Falling

Looking back on it, the day before our five year anniversary may have been the best celebration of our love, marriage and relationship overall. Though at the time it didn't seem that way.
________________________
Thursday, July 22:
I'm in pain again and I've just had another sleepless night. Yesterday I had an MRI so I hope that it at least shows what the heck is wrong with me. (*Author's note:MRI showed 2 disk herniations and a tear in another disk as well as a malformation in the lower spine)
I have really tried to be strong. Granted, this is easier than last summer because this is my second go round. However, in the middle of it it is so hard to see myself feeling better. Last night each new hour came and went and today is the same, with no relief. I hate feeling useless, like a prisoner in my own body. I want to get dressed and made up and go out and run errands and even to vacuum would be heavenly. At least I got out of my pajamas. I absolutely cannot stand wearing pj's all day. It may have taken 20 minutes, but I did it. That'll be my triumph for the day...
________________________

As that day wore on things did not improve. When I couldn't handle it on my own any longer I called Nathan at work. I lost any semblance of composure I had mustered before saying hello. I asked if he might be able to come home from work. I was going crazy with pain and felt like I should go to the family doctor for pain meds. I knew if we were able to get in I couldn't drive myself there. Oh, yes and I was terribly hungry but couldn't stand and walk long enough to get to the kitchen. I told him I was really sorry that I was so weak and had to ask him to leave work to come and take care of me. He said I was the strongest person he knew and he'd be home soon... He brought with him some KFC chicken strips,mashed potatoes and mac and cheese. I had about 3 bites of each and felt full.

He helped me to the couch. I didn't feel very good there, for some reason kneeling over the ottoman felt better so that's where I wound up.
I broke down...again. I told him that I just felt so gross because I couldn't even put on my cute clothes and forget about make up. I tried to do something with my hair but it seemed useless. I asked if he would call the doctor for me to see if we could go in that day. He did. We would have to leave for the appointment in about an hour's time. I told him I wanted to go back to the bedroom.

When we got there he jokingly asked if it would make me feel better if he brushed my hair and did my make up. I cracked a smile, but then said that it would actually help me feel better. He did just that. I coached him through it. "When the hair is all tangled you wanna hold it here, and then brush what's hanging down" I gave him the hair band and he put it up in a pony tail.
Face was next. He got through putting on concealer to hide the dark under eye circles, blush on the apples of the cheeks to make me look human and the trickiest of all, mascara to bring some definition to my eyes.
It did just the trick. I truly felt so much better,physically and emotionally, after he was done.

After five years of marriage and nearly ten years of just having a relationship we have definitely been through and done quite a lot. Two things I'm sure of. No matter what ups, downs or in betweens we experience, we do so together. The other is that I just can't help myself from falling in love with this man over and over again.